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Spreading the Word November 3, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — doulataffy @ 5:51 pm

Well, I must say the last week  and a half has been quite busy.  I had the opportunity to volunteer at the Long Beach Women’s Conference.  It was me and 10,000 something other women, joining together to educate, inspire and encourage fellow sisters.  DASC (Doulas of Southern California, the non-profit I belong to) had a booth at the Exhibit Hall.  With the thrill of seeing celebrities and mingling with other doulas, it was honoring to spread the doula word in our community.  To bring awareness that doulas help women (and their families) transition into motherhood put the word out that this was a crucial time in a woman’s life and doulas want to nurture and support. 

 

Had a prenatal with a very rad couple over the weekend. 

Then, I went to the DASC Banquet.  We were four-hundred and somethings of doulas, lactation advocates, OBs, nurses, educators, chiropractors, and everything in between, coming together to celebrate the childbirth community.  Very, very cool!!!  I even got to meet Ricki Lake.  It was an honoring event and so good to meet fabulous women (and men) who are making positive shifts in the childbirth world.   At the banquet, I was nominated for Birth Doula of the Year.  I was honored to stand but quite content when I didn’t win.  These women I stood with were very deserving and wouldn’t be fitting if I received such an award.  

Well, I think that’s it.  Going to Casa de Luna tonight…maybe I’ll see you there.

 

Long Time No Blog October 12, 2009

Filed under: pregnancy — doulataffy @ 5:12 am

But I’ve been busy.  Busy getting knocked up.  Okay, that was a tad inappropriate for a ‘professional’ blog.  But it’s true.  I’m pregnant!  And this little peanut is kicking my booty.  My previous two were super easy.  But this blessing from above has proven herself to be more of a challenge.  Notice how I’ve given my fetus a sex already…I really don’t know.  I’ve been nauseated like you wouldn’t believe.  It all started the night I went to Greek Fest in Long Beach….oh, I was excited to relive last year’s night of glutenous binge on Greek food, minus the drink.  It’s not just the Mediterranean in me.  Straight up, Greek food is the bomb.  So, I was very disappointed that it was thee night the peuking began.  Two times, to be exact.  The women in the ladies’ room probably shrugged me off as a trashy drunk with little care of who heard me hurl what ever it was I was hurling.  Needless to say, my compassion level has gone way up for all of ya’ll first trimester hurlers.  And for ya first, second AND third trimesters ones…I don’t know how you do it. 

I’ve been thankful that the Lord has given me a break from doula-ing.  I’m banking that this is just a first trimester thing.  I’m twelve weeks prego…so, it’s only a matter of time, right?  If I’m not good by early November, well, there’s not much to say. 

SO, “how does a doula doula when pregnant’, you might as ask.  I speak from experience.  Last pregnancy, my last client labored & delivered when I was 36 weeks (I also had births at 14, 26 and 32 weeks).  And yes, there were more said boundaries and limitations.  Let me enlighten you:  I would eat as soon as I started to feel hungry, drink way more water than I normally would,  would sit with laboring mama rather than stand,  and slept when mama slept.  I was also very fortunate to have dads that would volunteer me into breaks.  Normally, I’d be like, “No, no…YOU take a break.”  But when you’re growing a baby, you’ve gotta squash pride.  It made me a better doula.  One of the drawbacks was that I had to excuse myself more often because I was peeing like there was no tomorrow.  My kidneys liked that.  And the awesome part was that both parents were more than happy to see me fueled up and recoup.  They were so accommodating.  That speaks volumes when you’re in labor!  They saw me taking care of my baby as they were about to meet their’s…pretty surreal. 

I intend on following the same protocol when future births arise.  I will have to be willing to adjust and be flexible to my needs and my baby’s.  That is if I’m a first trimester hurler…c’mon November!!!

Thank you for your affirmations, support and coveted prayers.  Keith and I are very happy and feel extremely blessed that God is taking us on this journey once again.  Through the sickness, I still love being pregnant and feel so connected to my peanut.  No doubt, this is a miracle!

 

Yes, MamaSource. July 31, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — doulataffy @ 4:18 pm
 

Check It

Filed under: Uncategorized — doulataffy @ 5:11 am
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Bella Art Fest: 2009 Bellflower Festival of the Arts

 

Belly Casting July 18, 2009

Filed under: Belly Casting — doulataffy @ 9:12 pm
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How fun!   Rachel, here at 39.2 weeks,  let me cast her belly with plaster.  At the moment, it’s drying.  At 48 hours, I’ll smooth it out and give it some paint.  Thanks Rachel!  We can’t wait to welcome boy #3!!!

 

Positive Cesarean Births (it’s possible) March 24, 2009

Now, before I proceed, I want to make something clear: the rising number of cesarean rates, I believe, are money & fear driven.  The power of abuse are the culprits.  And I am well aware that the majority of cesareans are most definitely not necessary.  I also need you to be aware that the risks of a cesarean far out weighs the risks of most vaginal births, even with some breech babies.  And, above all,  I believe a cesarean can most definitely save the lives of mother and/or baby. Oh, I wish it was that easy! With all that been said, lets carry on.

It has taken society some time now to realize that the “knock ’em out, drag ’em out” approach probably isn’t the most mother-baby-friendly.  Grassroots organizations, such as CIMS, have been advocating for mothers and babies, fighting for the human element when it comes to hospital births.  Fight the good fight because vaginal hospital births indeed lack that human element thing, that I love to refer to.  But what about the ones that, you know, go through the vaginal bypass: cesareans?

I’m not talking no Victoria Beckham or Britney Spears birth.  Absurd!  I am referring to the cesareans that are available for emergencies.  Remember those?  Cesareans are performed for endangered mothers and/or babies.  Giving life to what could be death.  Bringing conscious care to what could be a medical disaster.  What can a mother do when she faced with a cesarean?   Where is the human element in the cold OR?  How can she have a positive experience?  Is it possible? 

I believe it is possible.  And not just because I heard about it and read it some book.  Because I have been a part of a beautiful cesarean birth.  Now, if you flinched when I said, “beautiful” and “cesarean” in the same sentence, you need to check yourself and trade in your judgement for someone else’s story other than your own.  There is no such thing as a perfect birth…but they are beautiful ones, even in the Operating Room.  Congratulations if you’re still reading with the rest of us.  I am positive that we lost some readers just now.

Carrying on…

When it comes to having a positive experience in a cesarean, there needs to be a few factors aligned.  I am no expert, but perhaps these “factors” could contribute to a better birth experience during a cesarean. Lets break them down: LANGUAGE, BIRTH TEAM, SUPPORT TEAM, AND BIRTH PREFERENCES.

Lets talk language for a minute.  Read these words and give them time to simmer…section……surgical………spinal…………cut.

How does that feel? Not so hot, eh?  Now, lets take those words and give ’em some face….c-section…surgical birth…spinal block…well, you get it.  These cold words are too often used to describe a mother and baby born (yes, when a baby is born, so is a woman, into motherhood).  The language we throw around tends to give label to what should be the most moving day of a woman’s life.  This label might convey that perhaps it was the easy way out.  This label might leave one thinking that perhaps it wasn’t a birth at all. 

Unfortunate and sad, society has left mothers feeling incompetent and invalidated.  Our words bleed judgement through language.  And most of time, we are unaware of that issue.  It’s like when people say, “Oh that’s retarded!”  What’s up with that?  Ever know of anyone that is retarded? Ever been in the same room with a parent of a retarded child (doesn’t matter the age) when that has been said?  With all sensitive issues, unintentional wounds have been afflicted with our use of careless language.  My encouragement to you is call it for what is: it’s a cesarean.  And by all mean, IT IS A BIRTH!  It would be appropriate to say cesarean birth.

Now with cesarean births, it’s very crucial that your birth team understands that the birth calls for extra sensitivity.  For an example, it is insensitive when the doctors are discussing their golf plans for weekend during the birth.  What doctor has an open discussion on their leisure time when a mother is crowning during a vaginal birth?  The same sensitivity and validation should apply to a cesarean birth. 

It is encouraged when your birth team is on board with hospital policies that create a peaceful, compassionate atmosphere.  We all realize a peaceful, compassionate atmosphere can really tailor a mother/father who might feel stressed or anxious during the birth. Reassurance, tending to the emotional and psychological needs of a birthing mother during a cesarean is very often not addressed.  Most of the times it’s only the physical needs that are asked (ie can you feel this poke?).

Another important factor is your support team.  Normally, in the event of a cesarean, a mother is only allowed one support person to accompany her.  This leaves the doula right out of the picture.  The doula upholds the emotional support during a cesarean birth.  Having her by the mother’s side will enhance the birthing experience.  Also, having two support persons is vital because often times the father will accompany the baby in the OR and out of the OR, leaving the mother alone.  This is a rather lonely time if no one is there supporting the mother.  A doula stays with the mother, never leaving her side while the father is with his son/daughter.

Lastly, it’s birth preferences that allows you to personalize your birth.  It is clear that a mother relinquishes a large chuck of participation during her cesarean birth.  Here are some birth preferences and preparations  that I have created for my clients that can enhance the experience and make it more positive:

Before:  Have IPOD ready for chosen music to be played during the birth.  Pack your nursing pillow; have it ready for the Recovery Room.  If possible, get a relaxing prenatal massage the day before the birth.  And make your evening special the night before your baby’s arrival.

 

During:  Have your music low in the background.  Know that the shakes, nervousness and pressure/tugging are normal reactions.  You can work through it with slow, relaxed breathing.  If possible, make sure one arm is not strapped down so that you can greet your baby with it. Voice any physical discomforts to the anesthesiologist.  He or she will be able to help.  A light massage to the mother’s head/neck/shoulders will help relax you.  Even the use of soothing tones of voices or holding your hand can guide you into further relaxation.  See if the drape that screens your view of the surgery can be lowered so that the baby can be laid right on your chest.  Still photography is a great way to celebrate the birth; pictures of the parents, the baby, first meeting, etc. 

 

After:  Talk to your baby because he or she will recognize you!  Hopefully your birth team will let you have your arm free to greet your baby and, ideally, let you soak in your baby while he/she rests on your chest.  Have the father/partner videotape the baby when you are not able to be there.  Since the doula will remain with the mother, the father can videotape the initial procedures and will be present with the baby.  Remaining calm and relaxed through this exciting process is key to ensuring a satisfying birth.  Of course, you are aware that holding your baby as soon as possible and breastfeeding is a wonderful way to bond with your little one.  This is highly encouraged.  Take pain medications and don’t skip them just because you feel well.  Hydrate yourself and be mindful of your nutrition.  Walking when you can and standing straight up will help with pain & recovery.  Have a postpartum plan in place (meals, childcare, household chores, lactation assistance, postpartum doula, etc.) for the days to come.  The doula shall also create “The Birth Story”.  It will have documented the events leading up to, during, and after the birth.  “The Birth Story” will be given to you during your postpartum meeting, which will be scheduled somewhere between week 1 and week 3. 

 

This photo is being used with permission.

This photo is being used with permission.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your Doula, Your Books February 21, 2009

One of the perks about having me as your doula is that you may borrow books from my birth & beyond collection.   It might be a good idea to have a written post of the books I have available.  I have also linked certain books that have a website you can visit.  So have at it!

BIRTH

the birth parnter

birthing from within

breathe your way through birth with yoga

deliver this!

the doula advantage

the doula book

the doula guide to birth

gentle birth choices

homebirth in the hospital

husband-coached childbirth

natural childbirth, the bradley way

pregnancy, childbirth and the newborn

the thinking woman’s guide to a better birth

BREASTFEEDING

the nursing mother’s companion

the ultimate breastfeeding book of answers

the womanly art of breastfeeding

BABY CARE/SLEEP

the baby book

the baby sleep book

the happiest baby on the block

the no-cry sleep solution

the vaccine book

FOOD/SPIRITUAL/MISC.

the discipline book

the everything baby’s first food book

praying the scriptures for your children

teaching godly play

wholesome foods for babies and toddlers

MAGAZINES/DVD

the business of being born DVD

new beginnings

international doula

 

If that’s not enough, I have tons of Child Development books too!  That’s what you get when you study ECE in college and pursue doula work post-college. 

 

 

Breastfeeding and the Flu February 20, 2009

Filed under: Breastfeeding — doulataffy @ 6:21 am
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As some of you know, my youngest is 16-months old.  Eli is definitely a toddler but naturally displays baby-like behavior.  And Eli is still nursing.  I’ve wondered, as being born and raised here in North America, if Eli is getting too old to be breastfeeding.  Some of you are rapidly nodding your heads like, “Ahh-Huh!” and others dismiss such nonsense.  I haven’t given it too much thought up until NOW. 

Our family has had the undesirable experience of catching the stomach flu.  Pretty much all of us has suffered one way or another.  Whether it’s Keith biting into his dinner as I’m hurling violently into the toilet-we’re all suffering.  But frankly, Eli has suffered the most.   He has had explosive diarrhea and severe vomiting since Saturday night.  And it’s pickin’ Thursday night and still going on.  Like any dutiful mother, I took him to his pediatrician on Tuesday.  The young doctor says he’s got the bug real bad and that the vomiting should subside on Thursday & the diarrhea maybe for another ten days (!).  The good news is that Eli is super hydrated.  And this fresh-out-of-med-school-doc commended me for breastfeeding Eli and to keep it up.  He was encouraged to see that Elijah was getting those important nutrients and hydration through breastmilk.  YEAH!  I knew I liked this guy. 

I couldn’t be happier breastfeeding my little toddler.  It’s nothing like knowing you are providing life-sustaining milk and cultivating an emotional bond that gifts the both of us for a lifetime.  Thank God for Breastfeeding, especially during this season.

 

Needy Or Just Needs??? December 18, 2008

Filed under: The Doula — doulataffy @ 11:14 pm
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I was at a recent birth where I was deeply touched by the way the  obstetrician spoke to her patient.  She referred to the laboring mother by her name, but mostly as “love”.  The doctor instilled a lot of confidence into this birthing mom as she encouraged her with, “You’re doing great!  Yup, that’s how you push!  Your baby’s doing fine and so are you, love.”  This was quite amazing, actually.  

Primigravidas can be easily discouraged and can find themselves lacking trust in the birth process.  Of course, there’s where a doula can be very practical in such a setting.  However, it is very disturbing when someone on the medical team, such as an obstetrician , waltzs in & destroys any hopes a birthing mother might have had.  It could be as  simple as one word that can hinders confidence.  Or perhaps it’s a look of dissapproval followed with a  loud sigh that corrupts the belief that she can do this.  That is why is it so essential to implement respectful, positive and, in this case, affectionate language in the birth setting.  Imagine being uplifted, encouraged and rallied by surrounding nurses & doctors who whole-heartily believe you can and will birth.  Imagine being guided & supported to tap into the inner-strength that you always knew you had but never had the chance to use until now.  Imagine feeling embraced, massaged and never, not once, being alone through this short-lived journey that we call birth.  Okay…now imagine the very opposite.  It happens all the time!  It’s rather heartbreaking to see a woman’s confidence shattered by someone trusted.  It’s often difficult to comprehend on why are only some needs met but not all.

I’m a big fan of Maslow’s Hierarchic Theory of Needs.  I believe you can certainly apply this theory to that of a birthing mother.

     1) Physiological Needs:  we’re talking things like food, water & body temperature.   If she says she’s hungry, let the poor woman eat!

     2) Safety Needs:  the need to feel secure & safe.  Shoot, this is totally Odent’s theory on how mammals need to feel totally safe in order to birth normally.

     3) Needs of Love:  Affection & Belongingness:  seeking to overcome feelings of loneliness & alienation.  My hope is that those in the birth industry wouldn’t leave this one on the sidelines.  It’s kind of crucial to  nurture the woman in order to achieve whole-wellness…yeah???

     4) Needs of Esteem:  this goes along the lines of respect from others, self-respect/esteem and confidence.

     5) Needs for Self-Actualization:  doing what you’re ‘born to do’.  Hopefully, somewhere in labor, a woman must agree to surrender to the process and just do what she was born to do.  The more you fight, the harder your labor will be and the longer you’ll progress.  Self-actualization can be present and then unrightfully be taken away…easily…I’ve seen it!

I believe all the five needs can be meet in birth.  I believe we would see more normal births.  I believe we would see more ‘mother-baby friendly’ places to birth our babies if birth industry would take on a more wholistic approach.  Amen???

 

What’s Up With That? December 15, 2008

Filed under: Mothering,Uncategorized — doulataffy @ 11:36 pm
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Why is my child calling me by my first name these days?  Sort of embarrassing.  We were at church Sunday morning.  Pretty much all the church gathers afterwards in fellowship hall to, well you know, fellowship.  And there’s my beautiful three-year-old boy, Micah, shouting around, looking for me.  “Taaaaaffffffyyyyy?  Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafy? Oh, hi Taffy.”  Onlookers were snickering and saying how cute it was.  Well, I was not amused.  What ever happened to ‘mama’ or ‘mommy’ or ‘mom’?  Can any other mamas feel me on this one???